just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
