i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
