Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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