He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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