Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
