how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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