A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it penis luge time yet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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