Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
