i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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