Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
