Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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