who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
