im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
