I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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