i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize