handjob tips. give me some.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize