my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
