I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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