i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
