who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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