He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
