I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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