Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
