the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize