I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
