Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
