Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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