it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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