I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
