sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
