Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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