Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's always time for handjobs
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
