So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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