My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
someone owes me an orgasm
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The ass gains better be worth it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
