im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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