using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize