the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
try to milk me bitch
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