I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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