I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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