i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
