my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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