I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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