I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
