I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
sex in a hospital.. check
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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