And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
