VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
