Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
