So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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