So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
