Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize