Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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