I heard we made out
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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