I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
