I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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