I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
