Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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