The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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