plz talk dirty to me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
