'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
