I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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