she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
