I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
