It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
