Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
