Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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