i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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