Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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