Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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